Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
