Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
