So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
