The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i came on her dog
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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