How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
