I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
