I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
