do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
