I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
