my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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