And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
