dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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