smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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