Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
