to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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