Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
