He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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