Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
