Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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