my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
