yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Randomize