remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
