When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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