i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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