So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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