I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
