I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
