I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
