I want to walk on stilts...naked
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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