That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
