if you like me you must not know who I am
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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