I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i will never coherently bang her
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
this will be a night to untag.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
