You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
