Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Randomize
