Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
