I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
