Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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