She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
