last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
