Texts From Last Night

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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table

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  (610): Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table http://tfl.nu/dmz2
  Replies (92) Good night (946) Bad night (5064)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.

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  (330): We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever. http://tfl.nu/56mg
  Replies (38) Good night (10282) Bad night (837)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him

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  (303): mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him http://tfl.nu/uw49
  Replies (7) Good night (4562) Bad night (979)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?

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  (734): Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold? http://tfl.nu/ybs2
  Replies (7) Good night (3080) Bad night (745)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely

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  (937): All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely http://tfl.nu/gogl
  Replies (4) Good night (3111) Bad night (612)
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  (415): View more from California

  It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.

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  (415): It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards. http://tfl.nu/fyj9
  Replies (9) Good night (2083) Bad night (933)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.

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  (817): Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer. http://tfl.nu/3l5u
  Replies (6) Good night (3040) Bad night (720)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.

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  (850): Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks. http://tfl.nu/uggh
  Replies (24) Good night (1338) Bad night (677)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....

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  (708): Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts.... http://tfl.nu/shwj
  Replies (11) Good night (770) Bad night (2462)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.

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  (573): She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex. http://tfl.nu/fa1q
  Replies (10) Good night (1280) Bad night (607)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?

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  (520): Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight? http://tfl.nu/4mcq
  Replies (3) Good night (833) Bad night (321)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club

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  (+44): Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club http://tfl.nu/ri4h
  Replies (6) Good night (730) Bad night (298)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.

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  (256): I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany. http://tfl.nu/68i2
  Replies (5) Good night (767) Bad night (265)
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  (619): View more from California

  You fucked that MILF against my car!

  (415): View more from California

  How would you know?

  (619): View more from California

  She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her

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  (619): You fucked that MILF against my car! (415): How would you know? (619): She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her http://tfl.nu/6u9g
  Replies (5) Good night (746) Bad night (417)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.

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  (917): I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart. http://tfl.nu/eru1
  Replies (1) Good night (991) Bad night (219)

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