Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.