Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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