One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.