I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
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i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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