Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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