I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
