I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
