oh god the rape fog is back!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
