You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
