I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
