do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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