4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My dick has a subreddit
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
