Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
3 2 1 whiskey
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
