I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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