i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
