Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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