all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
