i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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