Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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