i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
