I wish my penis had an off switch
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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