is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
