The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
