why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
