When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
