is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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