the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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