from now on my penis is your penis
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
