first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you traded sex for a burrito?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
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My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
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One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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