I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
