When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
