I just pynch a tree in the face
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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