I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
