I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you have to choose: penises or morals?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
